Irrational fear and what to do with it

What are you afraid of?

The dentist? Quitting your job? Starting a business?

The things people fear most about the unknown, failure, rejection, starting over, are usually the things that produce the best outcomes.

There's a quote that goes something like this…

Courage is being scared and doing the thing anyway.

So should you jump off the side of a cliff if you're scared?
Yes and no.

There's rational fear and there's irrational fear in life.

Rational fear could be jumping off a cliff without a safety net or knowing how deep the water is. Or being face to face with a lion.

It's rational because you might die or be seriously injured through plain old common sense.

Then irrational fear is more like imposter syndrome or the unknown. Or being scared to order a sandwich through room service or make a doctor's appointment or just answering your phone in general.

These could be from a previous bad experience, something you picked up as a child or a new experience giving you the fear of the unknown.

You're scared but nothing bad is going to happen, so it's irrational.

The funny thing is, our brain and bodies can rarely tell the difference between this rational and irrational fear.

So how can we?

It's hard to alter your brain on things like fear, especially when many of our fears are so deeply rooted in us.

You feed the brain logic but it doesn't bite. Your brain is like nope I'm about to be eaten by a lion but really all that's happened is your phone has received a call you don't want to answer.

How to face your fears?

Fear is something I began to tackle head-on in my mid twenties. Maybe because I was bored or maybe "self-destructive".

I quit jobs that weren't serving me, ended friendships and relationships that were holding me back and said yes to experiences that literally made my body shake in fear. I wanted to know "what if?"

Today I am constantly faced with fear of the unknown, fear of the new and fear that I'll make the wrong decisions.

And sometimes those decisions are met with consequences or bad outcomes.

But whether the outcome is good or bad, these decisions are always met with growth, new opportunities and knowledge.

Realistically, you don't necessarily get better at battling the fear. You simply become more comfortable with the fear sitting by your side. It becomes a companion, a sign of growth nearing.

You just get better at tolerating uncertainty.

Things like making decisions with incomplete information or accepting that you may not get it right.

Basically, battling fear or using courage looks like trusting your ability to handle whatever comes, rather than needing to know what's coming.

So this week, I'm battling the fear of the unknown because I've started a new chapter in my life (focusing on writing a book and writing personal essays on Substack 3 days a week).

And it's so scary.
It's as scary as when Eden and I quit our jobs with no money or clients to start Boring Studios.
It's as scary as moving across the world with no friends or idea what was next.
It's as scary as auditioning for a broadway musical with no experience.
It's as scary as your first day of school…

So right now, I'm full of fear like a lion is coming to eat me.
Fear of this new chapter. Of the unknown…

What if no one likes my stories?
What if everyone thinks it's silly?
What if I can't find the words?
What if I'm a bad writer?
What if…

But the what if is just that; an empty space of unknownness ready to be filled. Filled with good or bad… but waiting to be filled regardless.

So I've given you no tools to battle this have I?

Well what I'm doing to battle my fear is understanding that it is irrational.

The worst thing that can happen is I enjoy the writing and no one likes my books.
And I won't die if no one likes my stories.
I'll focus on the task of writing.

I'll fill that void of the unknown because if you never face your fears, you'll forever be asking yourself what if?

Love,
Penelope
Co-Founder of Boring Studios, Future Published Author