How writing can save your life

Mondays can be tough. Whether you work for yourself or have a 9-5, I think everyone has experienced their own version of “mondayitis”. And well for me, yes sure it does happen, because even though I work for myself I do adhere to a traditional Mon-Fri working week. But usually it only happens to me if I’ve done nothing substantial over the weekend—like seeing friends or gardening or cooking or dancing. If I’ve sat around and played video games for 48 hours, you best believe mondayitis hits… hard.

So the Monday just past, I woke up dreading the day. Not because I had a particularly bad day ahead, I didn’t at all. On paper, it was a good day—write my novel, a bit of Boring Studios work, gym, burger bowls for dinner, play Stardew Valley… But when I woke up, all I wanted to do was watch TV. I was tired, cranky. And well I bet you’re surprised to hear that I did just that.

I made a coffee and put on The Pursuit of Jade, letting my mood level out. I succumbed to my desires, despite having a schedule and routine I wanted to adhere to. Then after an episode or so, breakfast and two coffees, at around 9-10am, I got on with my day as planned. I wrote a chapter of my novel, did a bit of work and went to the gym. I didn’t let my bad mood ruin my whole day—only the morning, in a sense. I allowed myself to be in a bad mood and slowly, it turned into a better mood. Sometimes we need to listen to bodies and rest, even if it means wasting your precious Monday morning with something “unproductive”.

I remember a time when starting my day with scrolling little videos was normal and it would ruin my entire day. It would slowly cook my brain and transport me back to my default settings of being a chimp. Then I would not be able to think or do anything for the rest of the day. It actually makes me feel a bit sick to think about it… And yes, if I started my day with my phone now, it would probably be the same. But I would never allow such a thing nor do I have the apps on my phone to even warrant the possibility.

Also back then, even if I had chosen the lesser evils of starting my day with TV or an enticing book, I’d be like “oh well, day’s ruined—better ruin the whole day and be a chimp.” This was also when I had a “real” 9-5 with an employer so I’d log on to the work laptop and pretend to work—occasionally keeping the screen on or pressing buttons, ticking stuff off—I don’t even know what I used to do when I was employed. And those days would be gone in a flash. I’d feel bad about my life but I’d still rinse and repeat, waking up feeling shit again and again—allowing myself to ruin everyday just because I had woken up feeling a bit shit. I didn’t understand how to shift the mood or change the tone of the day. I had no tools or knowledge.

Now, I don’t put that pressure on myself. Your morning sets your nervous system up and sometimes it needs a cold plunge and sometimes it needs an hour of TV to regulate. Just… for the love of god… don’t scroll—or look at your phone first thing or add urgency or panic. Then you’re fucked, and nothing—not this article or yourself can regulate a day from a panicked morning. Well… not easily. You might have to do that cold plunge after all.

But the day doesn’t have to be gone if the morning is “wasted.” If I wake up and feel shit and want to watch an episode of The Pursuit of Jade with my morning coffee at 7am, who gives a fuck–I do it. And 95% of the time, I’ll get on with my day as normal.

But here’s the kicker… If I wake up and want to do that a second day, then we have a problem. That’s when we start to build a bad habit. Waking up and watching TV everyday is not something I want to do—it doesn’t align with who I want to be.

So on Tuesday, yep you guessed it, I wanted to chimp again upon waking. But this time I didn’t allow it. And here’s where it’s important to have your own tools to kick your mood into gear. Because the mood shouldn’t decide our day, we can.

So how did I change my mood on Tuesday to not chimp all day?

I wanted to watch The Pursuit of Jade again. But I didn’t. I had a shower and got dressed for the day in an outside outfit, not trackpants or pjs—an important way to let your brain know the day has started and we’re not chimping around. Then I got a huge glass of warm water and sat outside to journal. Yes, groundbreaking… journaling. I bet you’ve never heard that before.

Although I hadn’t journalled in a long time—months, maybe a year, I sat down in the morning light and wrote down why I was feeling so shitty. No prompts, no bullshit gratitude… just a stream of consciousness to clear my mind of everything I needed to get out. And it wasn’t even anything crazy. Turns out I just had a lot of small things that were stressing me out and I needed to see on paper to understand. You don’t need to hear my dirty laundry but literally some of the things were to go to the bookstore and re-pot a plant that had outgrown his pot. But other things I wrote included feeling frustrated in not having enough socialising last week or that I was drinking too much coffee and that’s why I was waking up tired. And sometimes journaling can turn into poems, stories or prose inspired by feelings or even people watching. There’s no rules. I just write. And every time, without fail, I feel better.

Journaling—and writing in general—doesn’t need to be this big la-di-da event. You don’t need prompts to tell you how to think—you know how to think. You don’t need to write down everything you’re grateful for—you’re not a monk and God’s not coming down to smite you if you’re not appreciating the roof over your head daily*. And you don’t need a routine or a schedule or a reason to write.

*God I am so grateful for my life. Thank you. Genuinely, please don’t smite me for my ungrateful behaviour in this piece.

Journalling is best done with no pressure, no expectations and no fkn uploading to the world that you’re journaling—okay, this article doesn’t count—I just mean don’t buy some aesthetic pens and leather books or spend money on a “journal set-up” that you think you need. You don’t need to post about it either—this can add pressure to your journalling which should be for you. But also I’m not the posting police, post your cute aesthetic journalling photo if it makes you happy.

Sometimes your brain just needs to know you’re listening. And that’s as simple as sitting down—in the morning or whenever you need—and letting your consciousness stream.

Writing has saved my life more times than I could count. In small moments where I needed clarity or large moments where I needed someone to listen but had no one. It centres you. Grounds you. It’s your brain saying “hello friend, thanks for listening to me today, you’re okay.”

In times of need, turn to your pen—you might find the answers you’re looking for waiting to come out.