The difference between a doer and a bystander

Lately, I've been thinking about two particular traits of people; doers and bystanders. Almost everyone I've ever met can be categorised into one of the two.

A doer is simply someone who does what they say they will do. Someone who makes life happen.

And a bystander is someone who never acts on what they want. They let life happen to them.

*If someone falls into the doer category, it doesn't necessarily mean they are always a doer or only a doer. And if someone falls into the bystander category, it doesn't mean they never action things.

A doer sees a path, a dream or a goal they want to achieve and they take the steps to get there. They figure out how to get the life they want and they act on it.

Wants to lose weight → researches nutrition, signs up for the gym, tracks their meals

Hates their job → updates their resume, applies to new roles, builds new skills

Wants to start a business → validates the idea, saves money, takes the first step

A bystander has a dream or a goal but says "it's too hard" and continues to complain about it instead.

Wants to lose weight → complains about being out of shape but never changes their diet or routine

Hates their job → talks about quitting for years but never updates their resume

Wants to start a business → says "I'd do it but I don't have the money/time/connections"

Sound familiar? Did this hit a bit too close to home? Well good. Because you know who gets what they want in life? It's obvious. The doers.

I've been both a bystander and a doer.

I was in a job for 9 months that I knew I needed to quit on day one. But I also quit a different job and started a business after only a couple of conversations about it.

I did a full university course that I felt wasn't going to get me anywhere. But then I also started a Masters course and quit after 2 weeks knowing it wasn't for me.

Now I always do what I say I'm going to do and I take action on the things I want to do. Why? Because I know life is too short to sit and dream or to do things constantly that make us unhappy. I'm always moving, doing.

I also have the skills to figure out the steps I need to make my goals a reality. So how do you become a doer?

The first thing is admitting you're a bystander.

Is there something you've been complaining about for years that you haven't changed? Yeah… sounds like you're letting life happen to you. But every excuse has a workaround if you want it badly enough.

Take ownership of your life

No one is coming to give you what you want. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can start to craft the life you actually want. You can't continue to blame your environment, circumstances or "bad luck". But surrounding yourself with other doers will shape your behaviour in a good way.

Start before you're ready

Doers don't wait for the perfect moment, they start without all the answers and figure it out along the way. Doers don't wait for motivation because they know action is worth more.

Be stronger in your decisions

Don't live in decision paralysis because any decision is better than no decision. Done is better than perfect most of the time and any momentum is still momentum, even if it's the wrong direction. Read last week's Boring Issues on how to be more decisive.

Planning is key

Break down what you want into smaller actionable tasks. There's no way to know how to reach your goal without a plan. You can't just say "I'm going to start a business" and a business appears.

Instead, ask yourself "what's the one thing I can do today that gets me closer to this goal?" You need the process, not the outcome. Make a list and tick them off day-by-day. Each day you're closer to your end goal.

Good things take time. Months, years. Not instantly. And a doer understands that the end goal is in daily habits.

Don't be a bystander to your own life, saying "It's too hard." or "I'll start tomorrow."

Be a doer or be content with settling on watching others achieve the life you want.

Love,
Penelope
Co-Founder of Boring Studios, doing-stuff