Read this before you take things personally

Today I want to talk about the quiet power of perception; how it defines people long before the truth ever does.

So first, what even is Perception?

It’s how your mind turns what you see, hear, and feel into your own personal version of reality.

An example maybe? 

Two women are having dinner; Wendy and Tina.

Wendy is slim and she orders pasta and dessert.
Tina orders salad because she is trying to lose weight.  

Tina is like wow Wendy must have such a fast metabolism to eat like this.

That’s Tina’s perception of Wendy, crafted from this encounter and her own inner experiences. 

But what Tina didn’t see is the rest of Wendy’s day -- Wendy hasn’t eaten anything.  

The same goes for perceptions of you;
You meet someone and you're in a bad mood → you’re mean. 
You tell someone you're working over the weekend → you work all the time. 
You meet someone and your hair is looking bad → you don’t take care of yourself. 

But what they haven’t seen of you (the truth);
You're in a bad mood → you’ve had a rare bad night's sleep. 
You're working over the weekend → you’re catching up because you relaxed all week.
Your hair is looking bad → you’re on your way to your weekly hair appointment.

Your behaviour in one moment can become someone’s entire opinion of you. Fair or not.

And the same goes for the other way around. 

You can craft a quick opinion of someone from one encounter. Again - fair or not.

We often fill in the gaps with assumptions, past experiences, or whatever mood we’re in that day.

So your perception of someone could be influenced by your own insecurities, biases, and past experiences. 

Basically, we can craft a whole personality of someone from one small encounter, purely based on our own thoughts.
 
Wild right?
 
So other people’s perceptions of you can also change depending on their mood, their day, or what they’re dealing with. 
 
Take Wendy having dinner with Tina for example. Tina is trying to lose weight so she notices what Wendy orders. 
 
Someone who is also slim may not even notice Wendy’s order. 
 
Another example;
 
You work for yourself and are working over the weekend. Someone who also works for themselves may not bat an eyelid at the fact you’re working over the weekend.
 
So, two people can witness the same situation and walk away with completely different interpretations.

Because perception is personal, not factual.
 
We can create entire narratives about people based on tiny interactions, even when we know nothing about them.
 
And they do the same to us.
 
So after understanding this, why do we care what people think of us?
 
This week, someone told me a statement about myself.
 
In the moment, I was upset because I knew it wasn't true.
Why would they think this? Why would they say this? I know this isn't true about me.
 
I took a breathe, corrected them and moved on with my day.
(Even though they still didn't believe me).

Why not fight them on it?

I know it was just their perception of me crafted from bits and pieces of my life. It was a quick opinion based on what they’ve assumed but also what's going on in their own lives. 
 
So really, it had nothing to do with me.  

“What you think of me is none of my business.” - Dr. Wayne Dyer

So what’s the crux of this Penelope?
 
The crux is that you don’t have to take on people’s opinions and perspectives of you. They only see a snapshot - even your closest friends. 
 
I also think we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about people so quickly either. You’re only seeing a small percentage of them. 
 
If you feel yourself getting defensive about something, take a moment and ask yourself is this really true about me or are they just saying this because they saw one moment? Or maybe they are saying it because they think it of themselves? 
 
And on the flip side - do you have an opinion on someone because you know it's true? Or have you crafted a story about them based on a snippet you’ve seen and filled in the gaps with your own experiences? 
 
We forget that perception is just a snapshot, not the full film.
And yet we let those snapshots define entire people.
 
Perception isn’t always true. It’s just the story your brain tells first.
 
Sending you lots of love today, 

xoxo
Penelope 
Co-Founder of Boring Studios, Writer, Strategist, Deep-thinker